Jelly: I need you
by jellyalways
Summary: Jen cannot resist Tilly any longer...
1. Chapter 1

It's the scene at the church thing after Jen had just told tilly that they can't be together...again!

Tilly sat there. Her vision was blured by the tears in her dissapointed eyes. 'why would she do that to me? Build me up and just watch me fall?' She thought. With that the tears came streaming down her face. She quietly sobbed. Tilly honestly believed that she was falling in love with Jen. The way she smiled, with her upper teeth sitting upon her lower lip, the way she smelt, her perfume so sweet. The way she kissed, the type that just feels as though its ment to be. Tilly had not kissed many people before, of course she had a small encounter in the past with Esther, and had a boyfriend or two in the far past but she could just tell that the kiss that they shared was the special kind. Despite having little to compare it on. Every single touch that Jen and Tilly exchanged felt amazing. Tilly loved the feel of Jen's skin. Smooth and warm. She loved the way Jen held her hand as though she wanted to keep her safe, as though she wanted Tilly to be hers and no one elses. When it was just them alone, nothing else mattered but then.

*beep*

Her thoughts were interupted by the beep of her phone. She snatched it from her hand bag and read the text. It was from Maddie. Tilly's heart hit the floor. 'how could I ever be so stupid to think it would be Jen? She's the one who left me in the first place.' She thought. Maddie was asking if she wanted to go out later. But Tilly's mind was so focused on Jen. That name...Jen, it made Tilly's heart melt, it made her feel happy inside and put a smile upon her face. She would've given up on her by now if it was with anyone else, but the fact that she knew that Jen wanted her now, the fact that she heard it with her own ears, just made her want it even more. Their time together was so rare that when it did happen it felt magical...

Time past. Tilly had been sitting on that same bench for about an hour since Jen left now. Her thoughts were purely Jen revolved. The more she thought the more she realised how much Jen ment to her. Never did a day pass when Tilly would wonder if Jen felt the same, if she stayed up all night thinking of her, looking forward to the next lesson she would have with her in, the time they spent together, the kiss. Tilly reached into her bag and pulled out her journal. She had been writing in it a lot since she met Jen. Every emotion she would note. She flicked through it. Examining each page, reading the entry she had done on the night that they went to the beach. She smiled...  
'theres no denying what a great day that was...'  
Tilly looked up. There standing over her was a beautiful young lady with glossy black hair and cherry red lipstick. A lady that had the power to make or break Tilly's heart. It was Jen. Tilly was so hung up in her own little world that she had just completely blocked out everything surrounding her. She didn't even notice the lady that ment the world was standing right next to her. Tilly quickly snapped the journal shut and stuffed it back in her bag, clearly embarrassed. Jen's face dropped slightly, she sat next to Tilly and looked her directly in the eyes, 'you've got nothing to be scared about' she said softly, 'can I please take a look?' She nodded towards the journal that stuck out of Tilly's bag. Tilly hesitated. She didn't want Jen to think that she was a freak or obsessed. But never the less she pulled it out and handed it to Jen. She watched anxiously as she flicked through the pages, her face was emotionless but it was obvious that she was observing every word that Tilly had truthfully wrote. Once she was done she closed the journal and stared at its plain cover. The silence was painful. Jen looked up into Tilly's eyes. She had always found them so beautiful. They always had a gleam in them that distracted Jen so easily. She looked down to her lips, her perfect pink lips, so plump and soft. Jen couldn't resist it any longer, she needed Tilly. She leaned forward and kissed her. Tilly was stunned but she dared not to pull away, it was a moment like this that she dreamt about at night. Their lips locked together perfectly. Tilly placed her hands upon Jen's waist, pulling her closer, she wanted to be as close to her as she could get. Nothing mattered, but then. Jen pulled away. But not in a way that she usually would before she would then give the 'we can't do this speech'. Infact she place her hand upon Tilly's face and stared into her eyes, passionately. They were each others world. They may not be together, but they both knew that deep down they knew that they belonged together.

'My parents are on a trip, they won't be back until next week, do you wanna come round?' Tilly asked calmly. With out thinking Jen replied 'yes.' She was so caught up in the moment. Resisting Tilly every hour of everyday killed her. She felt as though she needed to give herself a break and just treat herself to the only thing she desired. Tilly tried to hide her shocked expression, scared that Jen may then change her mind. Instead she smiled, showing her teeth. Jen smiled back at her, she couldn't believe what she was doing but she wanted to live for the present. Her smile faded and she leant forward and planted the most meaningful kiss upon Tilly's lips...

The door bell rang. Tilly made her way over to the door and quickly opened it. 'Hi!' She said with a huge smile upon her face. 'Hiya' said Jen in the adorable voice that made Tilly's heart melt. She gestured for Jen to come in before closing the door after her. Jen observed the living room. It was very cosy. Not to Tilly's surprise did Jen approach the painting that was above the fireplace. 'wow' Jen said. 'thanks' winked Tilly. Jen gave her a confused look. 'I painted it, around last year. I went through a difficult time, painting really inspired me. You know when you read or paint or write and you just... get so into it that you just forget everything. Your problems, your surrounding, you just forget...' She looked up at Jen. Whose eyes seemed glued upon Tilly. She looked scared. 'Yes. I know exactly what you mean' she leant down and kissed her. Tilly kissed her back, Jen's lips were the only ones she wanted anywhere near her, ever. She didn't care that she probably had Jen's lipstick all over her mouth. She just wanted her so much. Tilly's hands drifted from Jen's face down to her waist. Jen couldn't help but let out a small moan. She pulled her arms around Tilly's back and led her down onto the sofa before getting on top of her. They looked into each others eyes, both gleaming with romance. They both wondering if this was a dream. It felt to good to be real. Tilly sat up and kissed Jen. She then motioned for Jen's hand. Jen knew exactly where she was going to take her. Upstairs. Her heart was pounding against her chest, she gazed at Tilly and took it. Tilly led her up the stairs and into her bedroom which was covered in band posters and other typical teenage girl stuff. Tilly sat on her bed, she was so much more scared than she appeared, but she wanted Jen. Wanted Jen like she had never wanted somebody before. 'are you okay?' She asked. Jen felt ill with nerves. 'Are you sure you want to do this?' Tilly stood up, wrapped her arms around Jen's neck and kissed her passionately. 'im sure.' She whispered... Romance began.

They both led there, heads touching each other. Holding hands. Jen's heart still carried on pumping in her chest. She was surprised that she hadn't had a heart attack. Tilly remained silently still. 'Tilly?' Whispered Jen. 'Tilly what's wrong? Have a upset you, I didn't hurt you, did I?' She began to panic. 'No Jen, no I promise you didnt' said Tilly sensing Jen's fright. She looked up into Jen's eyes. 'Tilly, you're crying? Please, what's wrong?'  
'This.' She replied, 'How can something so wrong be so right, I mean. This was perfect. So perfect. But just knowing ill have to go to collage and pretend that this didn't happen, to pretend that I'm not falling in love with you...'  
'Wait' interupts Jen. 'Youre falling in love with me?' A single tear escape from Tilly's eye and fell upon her pillow.  
'Yes.' Jen always knew that her and Tilly shared something special, but Tilly was falling in love with her? Now this was something else. This was not to say that she didn't feel the same way because she did, infact she possibly was already in love with her. But Jen had just hit reality. Her job, which she had worked for years on end. Every sacrifice she made to try make it. Everything had paid off. But now she was willing to risk it all...for a school girl? Who just happened to be her pupil? Giving the wrong impression Jen searched for her clothes that had earlier been passionately flung upon the floor.

'jen, no please don't go, please'

'this was a mistake' said Jen.

Knowing how bitchy she sounded and hating it. Tilly stared at her not knowing how to react.

'ive had enough' tilly declared in a tone that made Jen turn around.

'Are you using me for you own little game or something? Do I actually mean anything to you? why did you even come back earlier on? One minute you care. The next you're telling me how big of a mistake I am. I don't understand you.' She felt tears dribbling down her cheeks but tried her best to keep them back, scared that she appeared weak. After a minute of silence Jen spoke up. 'I can see the pain I cause you Tilly, and its not good. You're 16 years old. You have your whole life ahead of you, you have all this work to be keeping up with, you're...my pupil...and see that's the part that makes me want to leave you, my head, but its my heart. My heart is the problem because all I seem to think about is you. All I can seem to want is you. Whenever you're near me I just want to hold you and kiss you and make you mine. But I can't.'

As soon as the word can't came out of her mouth she felt a lump in her throat. Tilly pulled Jen into her and hugged her tightly.

'Its okay' began Tilly. 'It's hard I know but a conclusion will come from it. It's our mess. Just be mine...not now, but in the future...please...'

Jen glanced at Tilly. How could she say no to the girl of her dreams...


	2. Chapter 2

Tilly and Jen had not spoke to each other for almost a week now. It had been a week full of curious looks and savouring glances. Although Jen hadn't left Tilly on a bad note last week, she still needed her space. She couldn't believe what she had let happen, but worse yet, how it could feel so right. She hated not knowing whether to regret it or not. She also felt a huge amount of guilt around Tilly. She almost felt threatened around her. The fact that she was going to leave minutes after they finished making love almost made it seem as though she used her for it. Jen could not stand that thought. It made her feel filthy and sick to the stomach. She knew all to well that Tilly was a virgin until then and had always stuck to the rule that she wouldnt ever have sex with anyone she wasn't in love with. The things Tilly could say, the damage she could cause with just a single word, Jen could go to prison with a click of her fingers. All she ever worked for could be gone. All the work she had produced to the highest standard even from the smallest things like homework when she was 10 years old, then college and onto university. All of that would of been worthless. Feeling physically sick Jen ran out of the classroom, she couldn't handle the sight of Tilly anymore. She ran into the bathroom and leaned against the sinks looking into the mirror infront of her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She heard the bathroom door behind her creak open slightly. She glanced up into the mirror and saw a tall ginger girl standing in its door way. She turned around to see her with her own eyes. 'Jen, are...are you okay?' Tilly asked, knowing it was a silly question. Jen didn't reply, she felt angry. The sight of Tilly annoyed her. The pit of her stomach felt so much hatred. Tilly leaned beside Jen and place her hand upon hers. Jen snatched it away without hesitation. Tilly looked at her, with a glimpse of shock, she was used to getting rejected by Jen but not as rapidly or desperatly as then. 'Jen?...'  
'Just go away, Tilly!' Snapped Jen, in a tone that even surprised herself a little. She looked down at the floor. Tilly stormed out towards the door. Jen immediatly felt guilt.  
'No Tilly please. You know I didn't mean it!' She pleaded.  
Tilly turned around. 'You know what Jen? I'm sick and tired of your little games. Let me know when you figure out what you want, yeah?' She gave her an ice cold stare before slamming the door shut behind her. Jen signed hard. Now that she had took her anger out on Tilly she now felt guilty. But Tilly was right Jen really did have to make up her mind so that she could focus on it. She knew that she wanted her job, the job she'd dreamed of for so many years. But her heart desired Tilly, more than she had ever desired anyone or anything before. She loved everything about her. Her hair and how adorable it looked in a bow, how focused she is on getting into Cambridge, it reminded Jen of herself when she was that age, so determind. Her giggle and her breathtaking smile. She secretly loved the way Tilly would cheekily answer Jen's questions with inside jokes they had before shared, in class. She loved it all. But she often wondered if she only wanted Tilly because she couldn't have her. Did Tilly even want her back that bad? Was it worth the risk? As you can tell Jen's weakness is that she thinks way too much. Like when Tilly had shown her the picture that Esther had took, she couldn't stop looking at it and over thinking about it. Wondering what was going through her mind at that time. But then it came clear, Tilly was on her mind, Tilly was always on her mind. But the fact she was just there in the same room as her, the fact that if she wanted her she could have her as simple as that. The way Tilly looked into Jen's eyes gave her hope. Thinking about it now she was surprised she only held her hand and not anything more.

The bell rang, snapping Jen out of her daydream. She walked out of the bathroom and back into the classroom she had abandoned. She walked in only to see Tilly...talking to the head teacher. Jen's heart pounded against her chest. She felt the biggest lump in her throat and her stomach dropped. 'It's over' she thought to herself. Feeling tears draw near. 'Oh Miss Gilmore, we've just been discussing you!' He said in a sharp tone. Jen stood there in silence. Just waiting for him to end her whole career there and then. 'Tilly was just telling me how you felt ill and rushed to the bathroom! And by the looks of things she's right, you look awful!' Jen looked at him in shock then over to Tilly who had a blank expression upon her face. She opened her mouth but words didn't come out.  
'Now now, don't you worry! You can have the rest of the day off! I hope you get better by tomorrow'  
Jen managed to mutter her thanks before nodding him goodbye and glancing one last time at Tilly. As she exited tears escaped her eyes. She couldn't take hiding anymore. She had feelings for Tilly that didn't seem to be going any time soon but also had so much love and passion for art, she had a job, a home, a car. Everything she could've ever wanted, but it all seemed incomplete because she didn't have Tilly to share it all with. 


	3. Chapter 3

Tilly entered her bedroom, she placed her bag onto the floor and collapsed onto her bed. She stared at her ceiling, her lips were pursed together and the small ginger curls of her hair unfolded onto her pillow. She thought about Jen. Well, to be honest, she thought about Jen the majority of the time especially when she was all alone in her bedroom. She hated when she felt like this, feeling angry at Jen's behaviour earlier on, but guilty because of the pressure she puts onto her. Tilly wasn't a silly girl. She understood that Jen was devoted to her job, well art. She could see the passion Jen had when she'd speak in an art class, the concentration she'd have when drawing. That's something Tilly would never want to take away from her. Seeing her today, when Tilly was lying to the head teacher on Jen's behalf, watching her beautiful face crumble, seeing her looking as pale as she was, seeing her shaking like that. She must've honestly believed Tilly had told on her. If she was hurting Jen that much then what was the point in trying anymore? Or maybe Jen had already decided that? Tilly never understood where she would stand with her. One minute they're all fine and loved up, the next Jen is acting like she doesn't even want anything to do with her.

Little did she know that Jen had also locked herself away into her bedroom. She abandoned all the work she needed to mark, so she could finally settle what she was going to do once and for all. She sat on her bed with her face in her hands. 'What a mess' she whispered to herself. She noticed that a edge of a photograph was hanging out of her draw, she pulled it out and stared at it. It was the one Esther had took. She couldnt help smiling. Her finger traced over Tilly's face. Her perfect face. She fell back onto her bed still holding the photograph infront of her. Tilly ment so much more to Jen than she portrayed. Tilly was all she could think about, she almost found it impossible to concentrate on anything. She'd often wonder what Tilly was doing right now or if Tilly was thinking of her right now, (which in this case she was). But it was wrong, illegally. Think about the rumours, the gossip, the torment it would put Tilly through. Her whole future, Cambridge, all she's worked so hard for would be practically gone and Jen wouldn't be able to do anything about it, she would be in prison. But these feelings. If they were so wrong why did she have them? If it was so bad to want Tilly why did she want her more than she's ever wanted anyone before? Why did she want to kiss her lips everytime she was in the same room as her. Why did she want to hold her through the night, give her warmth, protect her from all the bad in the world? Why is she falling her love with her?

Jen closed her eyes, her head was felt like a balloon and if she thought any harder it would explode. She let everything drift away. Her grip of the photograph in her hand slowly lost grip as she feel into a peaceful sleep.

Tilly felt her eyes slowly getting heavier. They slowly began to close, but just as she felt as thought she was going to fall asleep, her phone vibrated on her bedside draw. Tilly took it off the side and read the text. She felt disappointment at first after seeing that Jen wasnt the one who sent it. But felt a little better that Sinead had asked her to come round for revision. Longing that Jen would be there she agreed.

An hour later Jen started to stir, she managed to squint one eye open, the light attacked her eyes. She could hear muffled voices and laughter from the next room. It was hard not to with the walls being so thin. She concentrated on the voices and within seconds knew one of the voices was Tilly and the other Sinead. Jen heard Tilly's voice in her head so many times that it just became so easily recognisable. Jen sat up and stretched. She didn't know whether or not to go downstairs or just to stay locked away in her room.'Jen?' She heard someone shout from outside her room. They knocked twice before entering anyway. The door opened and it was Sinead.'Oh right you are in.' She said. 'I was just wondering if you had a spare pencil lying around that I could borrow?'  
'Um, yeah sure but...'  
'Yes, I know. They're expensive, proper artist pencils, ill give it straight back after' Sinead said practically finishing Jen's sentence. Jen gave a small smile and walked over to the corner of her room where she kept all of her art equipment. She searched through the draws to find one suitable.  
'What's that?' Sinead said.  
Jen turned around and saw Sinead looking towards the photograph of her and Tilly that she had left on her bed. Jen bolted towards it and snatched it off the bed before Sinead could get a proper look.  
'Oh its nothing, really!' She said in a non-convincing way. Stuffing the photo into her back pocket. Sinead stared at her curiously. It was obvious she was keen to know what it was of. Then her face lit up and a intimidating grin grew on her face.  
'Oh, I get it.' She said winking.  
'What...w..w...what do you mean?' Jen panicked.  
'Youve got some secret girlfriend or something haven't you! Jen felt a tad of relief.  
'No! Haha, no, not me. No way' she said.  
Just then she heard footsteps enter the door way of her bedroom.  
'Sinead what the hell is taking you so long...' Her voice drifted off when she saw Jen. It was of course Tilly.'You'll never guess what Til's, Jen's got a secret girlfriend' Sinead teases.  
Tilly looked up at Jen. 'Secret girlfriend?' She thought. She shot a threatening look at Jen.  
'No, no I don't, Im telling you' spluttered Jen. Jen could see the anger in Tilly's eyes, if she wasn't mistaken she could even see them start to well up. 'Tilly must think I have a new girlfriend or something' she thought. Sinead broke the silence with a laugh, she then went over and took two pencils from Jen's draw and walked out the door. She turned round.  
'Hey...Tilly, you coming or what?'  
Tilly broke off eye contact and stormed out and slammed Jen's door shut behind her. 


End file.
